Soon I will break. I have driven almost everyone I can away. still trying still working. Last night i realized that I'm only wanted when there is no better alternative. So i'm giving thm to the alternative, no more worrying about where i fit in it.

I would cry. but whats the point. There's no one here to wipe my tears, no one here to just be here. The one i thought was there showed me true colours last night. For all that i've done I get nothing in return on my day of pain.

Fuck you... and the fact that I realize that i really do love you.....

Somedays its just good to be alone. To have some space and to just breathe. Not everything has to do be done in a coupley sickness.

I might as well just push those who "care" away.

I'm sick of apologies with no reason behind them. If your sorry then you better have a valid reason to be sorry. If not. you obviously thin you have nothing to be sorry for.

It's like i only have people who blame themselves. if that is true then figure out why you feel the need to apologize  before you do. and if not, then maybe its me. Maybe you know you just feel like your supposed to because of what i say. maybe my reactions make you feel bad. but it doesn't matter what it is.

Don't apologize because you think im mad. Apologize when you have something to feel sorry for. Don't waste my time. any of you.

I feel like im running out of time for everything. I am not happy and i don't have time to change it. I don't know what to do. I feel alone, and lost. Everyone else has their agenda's. they know what they are doing where they are going and they are doing fine. Then there's me. Just fuck this life of mine.

I also can't sleep. That adds to my lovely equation.

Fuck.

Somedays I feel as I the only person i can talk to, is a blog.

I know its not the truth.

its just a feeling. when im lonely. and scared.

but its all ok.

because it has to be.

I feel like such a repetition on here, even though it probably doesn't matter. because only one person reads this.

Everytime i think im doing something towards finally creating the future i want, i feel like im pushed backwards. I'm always doubting myself, and my choices and my life. sometimes im really trying to be optimistic, but what has given me a hope to be so optimistic. To give myself the benefit of the doubt. Not much.

I feel like all i have is one. And that I can't really have either. Everything is just conviently out of my reach. Fuck it all. I just run out of out the will to try anymore. I want to have that hope, to feel good again. But i just can't do it. I tried. and i don't have any fight left. im just fading back. fading back again.

Feeling as if the energy has been completly sucked out of me.

I am weeks behind in homework. And I Don't Care.

Me finishing university will be amazing. Everyday seems like a harder struggle.

I wish i knew what makes me feel like this.

I don't know where to turn.

I feel so lost, so alone.